It's been one year since I started my Oxygen Church blog. I'll never forget, it was Thanksgiving Day 2009, in the morning, and it poured out of me.
As I reflect on a year's worth of ideas, thoughts, musings and writing, I'm thinking about ideas, and creativity, and how often the sparks come so quickly, romance me and sweep me up. But sustaining the energy, generating more impulse, and feeling the drive to take ideas to the next level - yeah, not so much.
I suppose I get "high" from the pushing out of an idea, but so often I'm left flat, confused & unsure of where to go next. I mean, it's just me and the creation, together, eye to eye - what do I say to it? How do I inspire it? How can I get it to make me breakfast?
How will anything following an initial creation feel as fantastic? What could bring me that level of bliss, after such a birth?
I'm a generator of sorts, an entrepreneur, the CEO of the "Berman Think-Tank." I'm being honest here when I say that I really don't want to follow things through. Can't someone else do that? But alas, I get so frustrated and annoyed and angry when I feel like things aren't moving and growing. But it's my job to keep things going, right?
I must remember that everything is always moving and growing, even when I feel fixed and inactive. Why do I so often forget that? I'm like a 40-something...eh uh...I mean, a 20-something first learning the Art of Patience.
Doesn't the story go that God created, marveled and then threw us the ball? Very simply put, but I wonder:
Am I marveling? And do I ever consciously throw God the ball?
If, in my reality, God & I are having an ongoing co-creative game of "catch the ball", it's not EVER possible to forget that I'm always moving and growing, and that my ideas have Life, that I'm active, and engaged, and conscious, and energized (with stinky pits) but you get what I'm saying, right? I'd be in the God Game, huffing and puffing sometimes, but still - BREATHING.
I never consciously throw God the ball, I'm too controlling I must admit. So perhaps for me, it's sometimes "Be Still and Know", and sometimes "But Still ... But Still ... OK, OK. I Know".
It's a practice, on so many levels, and if the one thing I take from today's Oxygen Church musing is "stop judging yourself!" then I'm off to a good start. The Game is on! So for now, I'm off to the school gymnasium; I have some things to learn, and I'm working on my throwing arm. Plus, I hear knee-high tube socks with those stripes are back in style. Oh yeah.