Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I Cannot Tell a Lie

It's true. I cannot tell a lie.

If you're looking to plan a surprise party, I'm not your gal, believe me. If you want my opinion about something, just ask. If you want to know who finished the Mint Chip, it was me.

I cannot tell a lie. Well, I actually can, and that gets me into a lot of trouble. You see, it's been challenging for me in my life to own up to my misgivings, to take responsibility for my actions. I'm about 3 1/2 when it comes to this stuff. I'm realizing just how much I fear the consequences. Really, what could happen, someone might get mad? I'd get fired? I could get sent to my room?

So I lie to myself, I make up stories about the story. Change it around a bit (who will know anyhow?). I pretend things are different. Twist and turn the idea of it all. Anything so I won't get into trouble, see others get mad, be the cause and reason for the world's demise (yes, it’s all MY fault).

The truth as I know it is that when I'm not owning my responsibility for any given situation, I'm not being honest with myself, and with others. I’m denying the honest truth of me and it's not the position of service I choose to be in. My denial process sort of elongates and perpetuates the untruths, & keeps all the good, juicy stuff at bay. I guess my process is a tight little ball of past conditionings and, truth is, it's just waiting to be unraveled (and knit into a deliciously warm angora parka).

If you only knew the to-the-core guilt I felt when I tried a cigarette for the first time. I felt it was wrong but I wanted to be cool and I wanted to know what the others knew. Oh, did I torture myself for trying that cigarette. Me and Shakespeare could've written some amazing stuff together.

But if I had known what I know now, I could have allowed myself that very moment of being the kid who was experimenting, who was experiencing life. 30 something years later I'm still learning to be at ease with my decisions, trusting that I'm standing on a foundation made up only of honesty and truth. That Marlboro-y outward experience wasn’t the truth of me - The truth of me is in my cells, and no experience can take that away. Say it with me: No outward experience can take away the beauty and truth of who I am. Good.

Perhaps these types of accepting realizations are the very needed steps in our lives which allow us to move into a deepening acceptance of our inner truth and light. When we don't stand in our own truth, acknowledge all the good that we are, and know that it's okay to make our own decisions (and trusting that all the results, or consequences are purposeful), then we're surely caught up in a lie.

As I start waking up to this, I am becoming more aware of the spiritual undertoe that has been pulling me and throwing me to and fro all these years. I think it’s been kicking me (in a sweet, ballet kind of way) 'round and 'round until I woke up, to this point, right here, right now. Even as I write this, I’m even just slightly more awakened than I was a minute ago. Now that’s progress, good honest progress.

So I think: How will honesty change me? Could honesty emprision me? Will I really get into trouble if I tell the truth? Will people still like me? Will I still like me?

I guess I have to start right where I am, in this space, my own personal minute, reminding myself that I am the honest truth. I want to drive on a road paved with wisdom stones. I'm perfect as me and the Truth in my heart is love, peace, compassion, creativity, joy and success. Through this practice, I can begin to operate from this great place. I will know when I'm not being honest, or authentic, or truthful. I will know.

Imagine our world if we all operated from honesty. There would be no holding back. There would be no judgments. The air would be so clean with love and forgiveness. Truth is, we really do all go through the same life stuff, don't we? Just different details. Just details. Let's begin to own up to everything (yes, just admit you ate the last scoop).

This whole process is the kind of service my heart longs for. It knows the truth of it all and I'm learning to ease those roadblocks away because the Light longs to shine and those blocks create way too much shade for me. Plus, I always start and stop around them and it’s very unnerving.

So Come on people! Will you join me in the Honesty March? Together we’ll stride through the un-roadblocked streets of life, being the Truth, honest through and through. Making a statement, a promise together that we'll live from our very Truth-core, and trust the perfection in it all. Really, how long do you want to stay in your same old story? (Ok, that was really for me. I cannot tell a lie).

1 comment:

  1. I honestly loved reading this.:) well done and keep it up. You are a great writer and express yourself really well!