Responsibility is Personal.

I have been pondering the notion of "personal responsibility", taking just a moment each day to think about the things out there in the world that make me upset, things that trigger me and challenge my knowledge of fairness and equality, and - is it possible, could it be true, that what I see out there in the world is mirroring what's happening in here?

Thanks for coming to the party, blame and projection, but it's time for you to go. Here's some Advil and cab fare.

OK, so here's an example that came up for me yesterday, around this idea of "bringing it back to self":

ME: "Don't the Occupy rally attendees know that they contributed to the economic challenges we're now facing? That it's not just the wealthy folks and the banks that have created the imbalance? Don't they remember all the stuff they bought on their credit cards, stuff they couldn't afford, stuff that's now piled high in the garage? Didn't some of them buy big houses and borrow lots of money they knew they couldn't pay back?" (man, don't I sound mean.).

The new, SELF-DISCOVERED ME: Where in my life have I overspent, collected things to soothe my heart? Where have I lived outside my means? When in my life did I not take ownership of my thoughts, my actions and considered how they would affect others? Where have I felt deprived? Where have I defined myself by the #'s in my checkbook? Really???

This practice is not for the faint-of-heart. Self-reflection promises to magnify EVERYTHING in your life. It's very very good, but can be uncomfortable, painful, depressing, agitating. It's true, I mean, I'm uncomfortable just writing all this. Yet, I'm beginning to understand what an imperative step this type of process is not only for our own personal healing, but for collective healing of the world. And only through this process, I believe, will we then begin to see the world change for the better.

Imagine your life is plentiful, you are free from physical and emotional pain, you and all are forgiven, and there is no blame. Imagine our world where everyone is free, there is plenty for all, there is no pain, and there is no blame.

ME: Us and Them.

The NEW, SELF-DISCOVERED ME: ONE.

Yes, responsibility is personal.  My eyes well, my joy swells, my spirit is well.

Re-entry.

It is calling to me again.

I make my way inside, it's safe in here. A warm, glorious heaven. A breeding place for the world's goodness, the all-in-one structure that is me, and every last thing.

I am staying and I am not afraid...

Creating again and intending to get opened.

Open wide, I let the sea grow & flow inside my womb, the earth's heart-space, making it possible for me to be fully alone while I float eloquently.

I am made here, born to myself.

Fluid feeds my heart, pumping me, and the world, full of what it needs.

I could swim here forever but ...

It is painful, leaving and re-entering, but I am compelled to experience this coming in and out of myself over and over and over again. The door is always open.

Little Fairy Wings.

I'm at my friend Karen's house, typing on her office computer. I love this room! So much light coming through the big window, a great vibey space.

I just looked to my left out the window and outside there are the biggest widest leaves I've ever seen on this palm-tree type Cali plant. I mean, these leaves are HUGE. I honestly feel like I could get up on one of those leaves and slide on down like a Fairy in a Disney film into a delicious, pool of water. Splish splash, I am having a blast!

And wouldn't you know it that just yesterday by the pool, I saw this very same plant, just from another angle, and from much further away. It looked just as magestic, and proud and green. Nothing Fairy-ish came to mind but I did marvel at its beauty.

I am amazed by life: It never ever stops offering us opportunities to see from a different persepctive, to experience, and feel, and love, from all directions. Even in the familiar, there never ceases to be a way-in that's new.

I suppose it's our job to practice seeing with a sense of newness that we may not be accustomed to. To see with newness, we must practice slowing down, breathing, smiling.

Imagine how we'll all be noticing life in a new way when can feel our own hearts again. Because we are God's little Pixies, here to create and carry out our own little adventures - splish, splash, Cleaning off the little Fairy wings! They need to be sparklie and fresh because they are our transportation to Neverland, where the adventure lands, but never ever grows old and where every boy and girl is free to fly to and fro as the light, to the light. We can be like little fireflies flitting about by our little Fairy wings, seeing what's around each bend, smiling all the way.

Ahhh....I could get used to this.

Toss me the Ball, will ya?

It's been one year since I started my Oxygen Church blog. I'll never forget, it was Thanksgiving Day 2009, in the morning, and it poured out of me.

As I reflect on a year's worth of ideas, thoughts, musings and writing, I'm thinking about ideas, and creativity, and how often the sparks come so quickly, romance me and sweep me up. But sustaining the energy, generating more impulse, and feeling the drive to take ideas to the next level - yeah, not so much.

I suppose I get "high" from the pushing out of an idea, but so often I'm left flat, confused & unsure of where to go next. I mean, it's just me and the creation, together, eye to eye - what do I say to it? How do I inspire it? How can I get it to make me breakfast?

How will anything following an initial creation feel as fantastic? What could bring me that level of bliss, after such a birth?

I'm a generator of sorts, an entrepreneur, the CEO of the "Berman Think-Tank." I'm being honest here when I say that I really don't want to follow things through. Can't someone else do that? But alas, I get so frustrated and annoyed and angry when I feel like things aren't moving and growing. But it's my job to keep things going, right?

Arrrggh!

I must remember that everything is always moving and growing, even when I feel fixed and inactive. Why do I so often forget that? I'm like a 40-something...eh uh...I mean, a 20-something first learning the Art of Patience.

Doesn't the story go that God created, marveled and then threw us the ball? Very simply put, but I wonder:

Am I marveling? And do I ever consciously throw God the ball?

If, in my reality, God & I are having an ongoing co-creative game of "catch the ball", it's not EVER possible to forget that I'm always moving and growing, and that my ideas have Life, that I'm active, and engaged, and conscious, and energized (with stinky pits) but you get what I'm saying, right? I'd be in the God Game, huffing and puffing sometimes, but still - BREATHING.

I never consciously throw God the ball, I'm too controlling I must admit. So perhaps for me, it's sometimes "Be Still and Know", and sometimes "But Still ... But Still ... OK, OK. I Know".

It's a practice, on so many levels, and if the one thing I take from today's Oxygen Church musing is "stop judging yourself!" then I'm off to a good start. The Game is on! So for now, I'm off to the school gymnasium; I have some things to learn, and I'm working on my throwing arm. Plus, I hear knee-high tube socks with those stripes are back in style. Oh yeah.

I Cannot Tell a Lie

It's true. I cannot tell a lie.

If you're looking to plan a surprise party, I'm not your gal, believe me. If you want my opinion about something, just ask. If you want to know who finished the Mint Chip, it was me.

I cannot tell a lie. Well, I actually can, and that gets me into a lot of trouble. You see, it's been challenging for me in my life to own up to my misgivings, to take responsibility for my actions. I'm about 3 1/2 when it comes to this stuff. I'm realizing just how much I fear the consequences. Really, what could happen, someone might get mad? I'd get fired? I could get sent to my room?

So I lie to myself, I make up stories about the story. Change it around a bit (who will know anyhow?). I pretend things are different. Twist and turn the idea of it all. Anything so I won't get into trouble, see others get mad, be the cause and reason for the world's demise (yes, it’s all MY fault).

The truth as I know it is that when I'm not owning my responsibility for any given situation, I'm not being honest with myself, and with others. I’m denying the honest truth of me and it's not the position of service I choose to be in. My denial process sort of elongates and perpetuates the untruths, & keeps all the good, juicy stuff at bay. I guess my process is a tight little ball of past conditionings and, truth is, it's just waiting to be unraveled (and knit into a deliciously warm angora parka).

If you only knew the to-the-core guilt I felt when I tried a cigarette for the first time. I felt it was wrong but I wanted to be cool and I wanted to know what the others knew. Oh, did I torture myself for trying that cigarette. Me and Shakespeare could've written some amazing stuff together.

But if I had known what I know now, I could have allowed myself that very moment of being the kid who was experimenting, who was experiencing life. 30 something years later I'm still learning to be at ease with my decisions, trusting that I'm standing on a foundation made up only of honesty and truth. That Marlboro-y outward experience wasn’t the truth of me - The truth of me is in my cells, and no experience can take that away. Say it with me: No outward experience can take away the beauty and truth of who I am. Good.

Perhaps these types of accepting realizations are the very needed steps in our lives which allow us to move into a deepening acceptance of our inner truth and light. When we don't stand in our own truth, acknowledge all the good that we are, and know that it's okay to make our own decisions (and trusting that all the results, or consequences are purposeful), then we're surely caught up in a lie.

As I start waking up to this, I am becoming more aware of the spiritual undertoe that has been pulling me and throwing me to and fro all these years. I think it’s been kicking me (in a sweet, ballet kind of way) 'round and 'round until I woke up, to this point, right here, right now. Even as I write this, I’m even just slightly more awakened than I was a minute ago. Now that’s progress, good honest progress.

So I think: How will honesty change me? Could honesty emprision me? Will I really get into trouble if I tell the truth? Will people still like me? Will I still like me?

I guess I have to start right where I am, in this space, my own personal minute, reminding myself that I am the honest truth. I want to drive on a road paved with wisdom stones. I'm perfect as me and the Truth in my heart is love, peace, compassion, creativity, joy and success. Through this practice, I can begin to operate from this great place. I will know when I'm not being honest, or authentic, or truthful. I will know.

Imagine our world if we all operated from honesty. There would be no holding back. There would be no judgments. The air would be so clean with love and forgiveness. Truth is, we really do all go through the same life stuff, don't we? Just different details. Just details. Let's begin to own up to everything (yes, just admit you ate the last scoop).

This whole process is the kind of service my heart longs for. It knows the truth of it all and I'm learning to ease those roadblocks away because the Light longs to shine and those blocks create way too much shade for me. Plus, I always start and stop around them and it’s very unnerving.

So Come on people! Will you join me in the Honesty March? Together we’ll stride through the un-roadblocked streets of life, being the Truth, honest through and through. Making a statement, a promise together that we'll live from our very Truth-core, and trust the perfection in it all. Really, how long do you want to stay in your same old story? (Ok, that was really for me. I cannot tell a lie).

Newsworthy.

I've been told that I bury my head in the sand when it comes to the news, world events, politics.

Yes, it's true, I don't watch TV or read the news. I have had good intentions of being in-the-know, turning on and tuning in, but then I lose my interest shortly after my re-entry. Actually, it's not just that I lose interest, my body and soul actually screams "STOP IT NOW!". It disturbs me from the core. Why is that?

Someone once told me that I just don't want to look at the dark sides of myself which are reflected in the day's reports. Ok, ok, I get it. The Shadow.

But could that be the whole reason?

I have a general feeling there is nothing new about the news. Nothing new, Ever. NEVER. In my opinion, it's just different places, different people, different advertisers, different outfits and hairstyles on the newscasters. Honestly - Can anyone actually argue the point that any given turn of events happening in 2010 did not ALSO happen in 1910, 1810, 1410, the year 10, just in a different shape, size, color?

From my perspective, the constants in all the world's events, since the beginning of time, are: Nature/God and People, and the interplay between them.

But Help! What do I do?? I have to be hip, current, able to discuss politics at cocktail parties. If I watch the news like everyone says I should, then what am I asking to be informed about? The same events that have been happening since the beginning of time? My own dark sides? My desire to get lost in other people's stuff? Am I procrastinating on making changes in my own life, and do I have a subconscious desire to be advertised to?

I do take total ownership for all my cynicism yet is it in the realm of possibility that if we all, and I mean we ALL, just stop watching the news? Like, make May "Don't Report to Me" Month. Then we could begin focusing on the changes and peace which, without a doubt, needs to occur within us (we always have inner work to do, right?). I'm guessing that if we all just pulled back from the drama for a short while, we could spend more time fortifying ourselves, our families, our communities.

Now THAT's what I'm talkin' about!!

Let's look inward, then outward in High Def. Create our own commercials, advertising us and our dreams, kind of like Mad Men but without the 10am whiskey and Lucky Strikes. Be our own anchor, forget the new hairstyle and show up for work in our old stretchy pants. Create stories of ourselves newsworthy to us, our community, the world. Go to the video tape play by play of a morning peace practice. Each day, create a 20-minute segment of what our own personal world looked like today. Create generous, creative and loving news that's worthy for all. Be live from a green field reporting the big news headlines of the day, like:

"Sun shining, didn't blow up at my spouse"
"Ate dark chocolate, smiled at my neighbor"
"Gave $3 to hungry man, called an old friend"
"Started a women's group, got rid of jeans too tight for my butt"

Report your story on your own personalized teleprompter, Re-Write History, win an Emmy, Make your speech. Forget what those news people say, ignore what they report, until you feel ready and steady in your own personal and inward changes to be able to step out into the world and initiate change in your own community.

Turn off the news and turn on your life. YEAH! Make commercials that sell everyone on the idea of you, the changemaker. Smile wide at your new connection with Nature/God and people. Glow from the inside out. It'll be a whole new story. Now that's news I'm willing to watch.

From the Mouths of Babes.

At the Library recently there was a little girl in front of me in line checking out some videos with her dad.

"This is my second time seeing White Fang!" she exclaimed.

"Wow!" I said. "I bet you'll learning something new each time you see it!".

She smiled and said, "You're like my dad; he said the same thing".

Dad and I looked at each and exchanged smiles.

"Kind of like life, huh?" I said. "Learning something new every day, An adventure!"

I saw the back of her long blond locks as they turned to leave, and with that sweet little voice of promise, she exclaimed back to me, "Have a great adventure today!"

There was nothing like it.