Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Today there are no December flurries floating 'round my head, but a pack of wild, seemingly negative emotions flurry-ing 'round my heart, and my head, and outpicturing as wet little raindrops falling from my eyes. 

Even harder than being the participant and witness to my wet flurry attack is wondering afterwards why it's so hard to know if my emotions are directing me anywhere ... I mean honestly, what is their point?

They're like the roundabouts in Seattle, taking me in small diameter-ed circles but I guess eventually, I'll find the left or right swerve that'll quickly move me to the next path.  I gotta tell you, though, right now I'm dizzy and stagnant and undefined by my last emotional attack. And in some weird way, I feel less like me and tired of the whole darned thing. 

I often give them so much power; I allow them to dictate what is the reality of any given situation, and they make me say and do things that I'm not proud of after-the-fact.  I wish I could know in the moment to make them be just be what they are: a heart-compass, an outlet, a way to stay immobile and safe until I can move into and through a change, or a disappointment.

So I didn't manage the situation the way I thought I should ... what am I gonna do? Right now, I think it's ok to be housebound after this storm. I suppose I could use it as an opportunity to get cozy, eat some chocolate and wait 'til the sun pokes through.

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